2. Why is the toilet paper so thin and scratchy? Where is the Andrex Double Velvet?
3. And WHY do the toilet doors end like 2 feet above the floor? And have GAPS IN THE SIDES. Privacy people. Privacy. Nobody needs to be able to see me peeing thank you very much.
4. I love you New York.
5. I actually don’t mind paying $3 for a doughnut WHEN IT’S THE SIZE OF MY HEAD. F** you Krispy Kreme, you have literally been ruined for life for me. Except for maybe those Reese's Pieces ones. Hashtag Taste of New York.
6. Would it be wrong to finish off my giant doughnut as a pre-breakfast?
7. Or maybe I should just save myself for some serious pancake action in about an hour…Oh screw it, eat both, it’s a holiday! It's not possible to give yourself type 2 diabetes in a week, right?
8. Sephora. All the happy vibes, but oh god why does it look like a tornado went through it and where TAF are all of the testers?
9. Also, can you please, please come to the UK. We are sad that you don’t love us.
10. I wonder what would happen if I actually sat down to play chess with one of these people in Union Square. Does that actually happen? Is it just in movies? Will I get hustled for all my $$$ and be forced to return all my Sephora items so I can buy food?
12. As is tipping. 20% for crap service is not ok. Even if your wages are shitty.
13. Buildings so tall. Me so tiny.
14. *checks pedometer* I walked 10 miles today. WTAF. That clearly means I can get away with eating another cookie.
15. Getting asked for ID before you go into a bar despite CLEARLY looking over 21 is literally the highlight of the trip. Love you doorman.
16. I’m liking this ‘free pour’ drink thing. Although two gins and no carbs is not a good combo. Must get carbs. Mmm...carbs.
17. I hate myself for being a tourist but the M&M shop on Times Square smells SOOOOO good.
18. Ok, got totally suckered into buying the most expensive M&Ms EVER. Damn you delicious chocolately smell. Ooh, dark chocolate peanut ones!
19. Thank you Starbucks for all your sweet, sweet free wifi.
20. And iced tea. Feeling totally like a New Yorker strutting along 5th Avenue with my Starbucks cup.
21. The view from the Empire State Building at night is so beautiful I actually want to cry.
22. Timing Instagram posts for when UK people are still awake is a pain in the ass. I wanna share my NY view right this second, but it’s 1am your time and my ego needs likes.
23. Totally planning a day of Sex & the City tourist spots. See you at Magnolia bakery…Or Carrie’s stoop.
24. How the hell did Carrie Bradshaw walk around NY in heels? 3.46 minutes in and my feet are DYING. And while we're at it, afford that apartment by writing ONE article per week. I'm starting to feel slightly duped by the whole thing.
25. In fact, it was just a waste of luggage room bringing anything other than a pair of Adidas. I wasted valuable Sephora space on shoes.
26. Resisting the urge to walk around singing ‘New York, New York’ is hard. Or a bit of Alicia Keys for that matter.
27. Why isn't breakfast at Tiffany's a real thing? I would be ALL over that.
28. If I ask Santa REALLY, REALLY nicely, do you think he can arrange for me to come and live here?
29. Santa…? You listening?